I have faith that even in the digital world, writing (primarily printed) will still live. I know that when the electricity goes out in my apartment during storms or randomly (which happens in Puerto Rico) for hours or even days, I will not be able to access my email; my phone; my kindle or anything else electronic. But I DO know that the printed book (the few physical books that I own) still live and give me solace.
Though my writings have been used in college classrooms and I’ve spoken at colleges about them, it’s a very specific, targeted audience that I know I can hold onto and they, too, can share their love of my writings to their friends and the future generations. As a writer, I’ve never wanted to be famous or to make millions or become a gimmick. I simply wanted to write. Many ask why do I write the things I write–primarily The Macabre Collector’s Series short stories. I write because I can. I write because I need to.
Tales come to me in dreams, disturbing dreams turned into nightmares, that haunt me like a demon for days or weeks or months. Characters become real to me, their lives, their looks, their diction–all of this I create in my head (most often when I run). As the characters become real I analyze them. Analyzing them disturbs me. They give me a sour feeling like Jeffrey Dahmer’s mother probably had, leaving me thinking, “Did I create this monster?”
My characters are unique and many put fear in me. Why are they acting this way? Why are they so cruel? Why do they allow themselves to become victims and victimized? What happened in their past that caused them to be such evil people? I need to know these things. Sometimes answers are never given. It’s like life. We never know someone’s past unless we ask and even still, we may never get the answer we want. And if we do get a long-winded answer, it may not even make sense to us.
Life is interesting like that–not knowing the answers to all of our unspoken questions is what keeps us on our toes and keeps us interested in each other. We end up wanting to know more and possibly grow from those around us every time we have a private moment with them. That’s how I see my characters, or even the characters in books I may read. I always question why they are so intriguing to me and if I truly care about them. I have to feel something. I definitely must care about my characters I create (it’s like saying you don’t care about a child you give birth to) and I need to care about other characters in books I may read. I need to feel that human characteristic in them. And if I don’t, then I lose interest and must start over.
As such, I have faith that people will care about my characters as much as I do. Otherwise, what’s the point of living if no one cares about us–whether we are one years old or 91. Everything needs a purpose, we just need to find it.
I have faith that the majority of people will never understand me and constantly discuss me–not because I’m an interesting person, but rather because my writings and I keep people on their toes by disturbing them. I believe readers, too often, critique a writer’s personal life than the writing itself. Though, I do agree there is some correlation even minute, even if it’s just one small sentence taken from the author’s life. Still yet, writers are permitted to actually be creative instead of take from their own life. And, too, I have faith that my audience, my beloved readers, the ones who “get it”, will truly get it and perhaps not think that way.
I have faith that my writing is like a committed relationship and the only one that will never leave me. As people in my life (especially those I’ve loved and continue to love (relatives and unrelated)) leave me and this Earth, I know that my writings will live on and bring me solace.
I have faith that when my dark moments arise (as they always do when least expected) like an unwanted forest fire, destroying everything in my view, and I begin to choke on life, my thoughts can turn to my beacons of hope, the writers before me who found their way out of self-destruction and slay the psychological demons one more time.
I have faith that my writing has purpose. As such, I have faith that I write with and for purpose and my writing does not exist in vain.